Konoha Open
by Dosu Disciple
Summary: The Sound Trio retake the Chuunin Exams! Will they be able to beat Gaara, Choji, and Rock Lee? Crack, Oneshot


Team Dosu have disembarked on a journey to the Hidden Leaf Village to once again enter the chuunin exams.

"Why do we need to take these exams?" Zaku asked, "I mean, we're strong enough. Can't Orochimaru just declare us chuunin, are even jounin?"

"Well you see Zaku," Dosu started, "those are the rules. And we can't break the rules, because that would be bad. And we aren't bad, we're just peaceful sound ninja who want nothing more than to rise in the ranks of ninja and live a humble life."

"Really?"

"Fuck no, we're going pass without a sweat. And if we fail we can always fall to plan B, which is slaughter everyone there."

"Awesome! I love sweat!"

"Zaku you're retarded." Kin remarked.

"Kin you're a whore!" Zaku replied, causing Kin to run away in tears.

"Now Zaku, was that really necessary?" Dosu asked, "You should have punched her in the face!"

"No Dosu, I have a better idea!" Zaku stated, "Hey Kin! Come back here! I'm sorry!"

Kin stopped crying and ran back to Zaku and said, "Really? You really mean that you're sorry?"

"Secret Sound Technique, Ovary Punch!" Zaku shouted as he punched Kin.

"Ow, my ovaries!" Kin ran away and started crying again.

"She just got owned by the best attack I have!" Zaku yelled.

"Look we're here!" Dosu announced.

The three arrived at the Leaf Village. Kin stopped crying and followed Dosu inside. Zaku ran into a wall.

"Uh, it appears I don't have enough chakra for my um, door jutsu!" Zaku explained.

Kin stared in disbelief and Dosu said, "Why would...when...how...get the fuck inside."

* * *

They arrived at the designated building for the exams, a newly built gymnasium. The fifth Hokage appeared for her speech.

"Welcome to the chuunin exams. Not mentioning any names, but last year's exams was a total and complete failure thanks to a certain village. You damn sound ninja!" everyone turned and stared at the three sound ninja, who didn't like the new attention.

"Uh..." Dosu started, "it was all Zaku's idea!"

Zaku laughed, "Damn right it was! Your village sucks!"

The rest of the ninja booed and started throwing leaves at the Sound Trio. They did that because they're leaf ninja, it's what they do.

"Are you really doing this?" Dosu asked in disbelief.

Tsunade returned to her speech, "I digress. Due to complications, mostly the legal issues with the forest of death, we will be changing the process of the exams!" Everyone now turned their attention from Zaku to the Hokage. "Their will be no written exam," everyone started cheering. "no forest of death," the cheering grew, "And no fighting tournament!" the cheering grew even louder. "Instead, there will be but one challenge!" The cheering was deafening now. "The challenge will be, drum roll please!"

Shizune appeared behind Tsunade and starting a drum roll by herself. "The challenge will be, a tennis tournament!" The entire building went silent. It was so quiet the ninjas could hear crickets chirping, from inside Shino.

One ninja shouted, "Tennis is gay!"

Tsunade threw a kunai and killed that ninja. "You fail instantly! Anyone else dislike tennis?"

Zaku shouted, "Tennis is gay! And so is your face!"

Tsunade threw another kunai at Zaku, but Zaku's headband blocked the attack.

Tsunade finished her speech, "I will now announce the first matches!"

* * *

The sound genin met after the were dismissed by Tsunade.

"So who are you paired up with Zaku?" Dosu asked.

"I'm paired up with a rock! Can you believe that? A rock!" answered Zaku, as he started laughing.

"Um, I think she said...never mind." Kin remarked.

"I'm paired up with Gaara. Time for some revenge!" Dosu stated.

"I'm paired up with that fat kid." Kin said.

"Oh no," Zaku started, "What are you going to do? Have sex with him to death?"

The intercom announced, "The first matches will begin!" All the genin started to head towards the stands to Watch the first matches.

One ninja stood out from the rest, as he was trying to fight his way in. But the Hokage would not allow him in.

"No! It's too late for you to enter! Who are you any way?" Tsunade asked.

"Why, I'm Mr. O. Roachy Mario! I'm just a normal everyday ninja who wants to become a chuunin!" The ninja answered. Tsunade was not amused.

"Right, sure. Well it's too late! You can only watch!"

Mario got sad and sat down in the stands.

* * *

Kin entered her tennis court, and prepared to face Choji. The referee, Kakashi, announced, "Kin serving Choji, match start!"

Kin served the tennis ball over, and Choji ate it.

"Uh," Kakashi started, "I guess Kin wins..."

"Yay, I win!" Kin shouted.

"No one cares bitch!" Zaku shouted from across the gym.

* * *

Zaku and Rock Lee entered their court. Their referee, Gai, entered as well.

"What the fuck?" Zaku yelled, "You're not a rock! I was told I was playing against a rock!"

"All right Lee, this is it! The only thing in your way to becoming a chuunin is that ninja in front of you!" Gai told Lee.

"Yes sensei!" Lee shouted.

"Alright, Lee serving Zaku! Match start!" Gai stated. The second Lee started to serve Gai started to cheer him on, "Come on Lee! You can do this!"

"Shut the fuck up old man!" Zaku demanded, "Decapitating Airwaves!"

Gai was blasted away from the attack, and shouted as he flew, "Disqualified for hitting a ref!"

"Well, your disqualified for not being a rock!" Zaku shouted. As he raised his arms to attack Lee, anbu black ops arrived and pinned him down.

* * *

Dosu and Gaara arrived at their court, with Anko as their referee.

"Well what do we have here..." Dosu started, "if it isn't Gaara of the Desert. I'm not especially fond of what happened between us at the last exams."

Gaara simply stared back at him.

"Dosu serving Gaara, match start!" Anko yelled.

Dosu threw the ball in the air, and swung his racket and sent the ball at Gaara. Gaara raised his racket to return the serve, but his sand instinctively blocked the ball, causing the ball to fall to the ground. The ball then exploded.

"Ninja tennis ball! Dosu wins!" Anko shouted.

"HAHAHAHAHA! I win!" Dosu cheered, "I always win! You never had a chance to defeat me! I am the ultimate ninja!"

"Just you wait." Gaara remarked. Dosu was confused, he won, what was there to wait for?

Just then half the stadium jumped out of their seats and charged Dosu.

"Meet my fan club." Gaara said as Dosu was overrun by teenaged girls.

"No one beats Gaara!" One of them screamed.

"OMG Gaara would you marry me?" another asked.

"No way! He wants to marry me!" another squealed.

An argument burst out amongst them as they all fought over Gaara, just as the rest of the stadium ran down as well.

"Sasuke is WAY hotter than Gaara!" One of the newcomers screamed.

"Bitch! Gaara is sexier than Sasuke!"

"Never! Sasuke is emo! Which is another word hot sexy!"

"Too bad your precious Sasuke, or should I say Sas-GAY isn't sexy!"

A riot burst out, and chaos was everywhere. Then Mr. Mario ran up and ripped his mask off, revealing his true self.

"It is I, Orochimaru!" he stated, "Quickly children, get in my van! I promise you will be safe there!"

Tsunade ran down to Orochimaru and shouted, "Did you really come here all the way here just to abduct some children?"

"What? Aren't you suprised it was me along disguised as Mr. O. Roachy Mario?"

"Actually, I knew all along. That's why I had anbu black ops follow you!"

"Ha! The only person following me was Kabuto!"

Kabuto appeared behind Orochimaru, and removed his mask, revealing his true identity, a whole squad of black ops.

"What the fuck?" Orochimaru exclaimed, "How does that work?"

"It doesn't matter how it works, it just does!" The squad leader replied as they arrested Orochimaru.

"Quickly!Plan B!" Orochimaru ordered as he was dragged away.

Dosu looked around, but everyone was already dead from the riot. The only survivors were him and Tsunade.

"Well, looks like I have to kill you." Dosu told Tsunade.

Tsunade removed her mask, and she revealed herself to be Deidara.

"No, I will kill you! Un!" Deidara rebuked. Then he blew up everything and everyone died. The end.

**[A/N: It doesn't make sense because it doesn't have to!] **


End file.
